And Then The Real Fun Starts!

Don't mind how sleepy I look!

I did it.... I have let go of Mistaken's draft  and it is on it's way to be edited by a very dear and trusted friend. Normally I would definitely recommend using a professional editor, however my friend Andrea is someone that I feel will help improve and polish Mistaken into its final form. She is very well educated, well-spoken, and an avid reader. If it were anyone else, and if my money situation wasn't what it is currently... I would certainly utilize a more established editor.

But I digress. My point of this post is that after all this time I have loosened my grip on my debut book. I am not going to call it my baby. When I picked up the print copy I made for her... I'll admit I got slightly misty-eyed though.  It feels weird that right now I don't have any of Mistaken  to work on.

Oh... about that.

Now that we know the printing is finally imminent within the next few months, I have been gearing up to promote not only Mistaken, but it's release party. I  have learned a lot from other indie authors and also have some plans of my own. I will be going into detail in the coming blogs, and they will start getting more frequent.

On top of that, I am working on the outline to my next book "Possess" and am getting equally as amped about writing it as I am about releasing Mistaken. 

Despite all this bunch of literary awesomeness, much of my life outside of writing is a bit disjointed. From work issues to illness in the family, life is throwing a lot at my little household right now.  But I am taking it as a lesson. 

When you are going through hell, hold on even stronger to your dreams and make your own luck. Keep your chin up and keep at it. Something has to give eventually, don't let it be you!

Speaking of...I finally passed my laps in derby! Told ya a  little hard work will go a long way!

This is Not Show & Tell...

I will admit it. This is one thing I am always trying to break. Sometimes when I am writing my drafts I don't even realize I do it. I tell the reader what is happening, how someone is behaving. I don't show them. As I am giving the Mistaken draft another once over  before handing it off to be edited again these things just glare up at me.

He had an angered expression.

Hmm...well what the heck does that look like?

He stared at her, his jaw tense,eyebrows knitting together as a fiery rage flickered behind his gaze.

 Yeah I think even if it isn't perfect...the second one is a lot better than the first.

So just like derby...when I think I am done and giving it my all... I realize I actually am holding back on what I really am capable of. 

Time for more editing huh?

Procrastination

I've slowly come to realize that the more you put off something, the more it haunts you and making excuses to justify putting that thing off never really quells  that need.  I will be the first to admit that when its come to getting my book out there, I have been the world's biggest procrastinator.

Sure I finished my first draft...a feat in and of itself. But what then? I'd written plenty of long short stories (I realize that is a bit of an oxymoron), and all they did is sit around collecting dust. 

So did my poor first draft. 

Sure I had a lot of things happening in my life that were equally as exciting as a book. Losing lots of weight, getting in better shape. Finding a new found love in roller derby and moving up more at work. 

But in the back of my head I knew my draft was just sitting there... doing absolutely nothing. Even when things took a turn for the worse at work, and I found myself with less responsiblity and therefore more time to devote to my draft. Even then I didn't touch it. 

As I sat up last night, FINALLY finishing up the second draft, I realized what it was that kept stopping me. Writing has been something I wanted to do since I was a kid. What if I fail?

What if this story sucks so bad that nobody ever wants to read another thing that I write? What then?

The fear of failing is scary and I am facing it head on both with writing and with derby. I am only 20 seconds away from being able to play in a game. I have one more requirement to meet and thats 25 laps in 5 minutes. Last time I retested on my laps I freaked myself out so bad beforehand I was literally shaking when I skated onto the track. 

Photo courtesy of my friend Quentin at Southern Exposure Photography

Part of me doesn't want to go back after missing my laps again, but I know I started roller derby for a reason. Just like I started a serious goal of publishing  my stories. 

Failure isn't an option. It is only failure if I stop. 

If I don't put my skates back on. 

If I don't finish my editing and put my book out there.

If I don't do these things then I will fail. I will never know what I could have done with either.

So, no more procrastination. My second draft of Mistaken is now done. Within a week it will be in the hands of a trusted friend and will be edited and I will be starting work on another book. 

And tomorrow night, I will be at practice...skating my laps once again.

I am refusing to let myself fail. Maybe I won't be great at either, but as I have heard my derby sisters say.

"If you never go for a hit, you won't know if you could have done it. If you fall, just get back up and  throw another one."

Hunger Games

I know that there is a lot of buzz going around about this trilogy as well as the movie. I will admit I saw the movie trailer first before I knew there was a book, but I was intrigued from the start. Honestly when I found the books it didn't really surprise me because many times when a story seems new, different and riveting such as this one, it almost always is based off a book. 

Anyways, I bought the trilogy on my kindle and over the last week finally got time to get through the first book. I am in love with this trilogy now.

While I was reading I took note of some things that I liked about Suzanne Collins writing style and techniques. Things I felt she really did an amazing job on, things that made me turn the page.

She kept everything moving. There was nearly constant action from the get-go. Never once did I feel like the story was dragging. There was almost always danger or tension lurking around every corner and building up the plot.

She threw in some great surprises. Without giving away things for those of you that haven't read it, she has some great twists thrown in there that a few times made my jaw drop (literally).

Serious internal conflict with the main character. How do you care about someone when you know at some point one of you has to die?

As it gets into the other two books, it starts to become apparent that it isn't only about the Hunger Games and the enemies aren't each other. It gets so much bigger than the characters themselves.  I was absolutely in love with this trilogy, as it seems many are doing. 

Hate to jump on the bandwagon...but I am already buckled in and waiting with bated breath to see the film adaptions of the next two. And I have seen the first movie already twice.

For those other Hunger Games lovers like myself, here are some funny Hunger Games related vids you might find amusing.



Enjoy!

POOF

 Oops... I did it again. Not only just made a dated Britney Spears reference...but I disappeared. I know it is such a terrible thing to do...especially when you are trying to gain an audience. It is easy to blame life for taking over....but really I guess that is exactly what happened.

2011 was an amazing year for me. Not only did I finish my first draft, but I lost 90 lbs... NINETY POUNDS! That's like a whole middle school kid... I think (I am not sure how much those weigh...but it's at least a fifth grader). I also found a new love in Roller Derby.

Who knew knocking into other girls on skates was so therapeutic?

This year seems to have started off less promising, but I refuse to let that discourage me. I've still got to finish editing...and lose at least 40 more lbs.

So... I will be seeing you on here... on a bit more of a regular basis :)

See ya soon...

Going Against the Grain

Since the other pic was removed I just decided to
add in my own art...no steal!

Going against the grain.

Swimming against the current.

Disrupting the Status Quo.

There are many ways to say it, but it all means the same.

Doing something you normally wouldn't do, or that others normally wouldn't do.

Doing things differently because deep down YOU know it's what has to be done.

It's happening more and more within the book world. It amazing and the opportunity it presents to authors is great. But what about in your own lives?

I previously talked about how I disappeared from the blog for a while. Well there was a huge reason for it. And honestly it is changing my life and opening my eyes to a lot.

From January to May I was going through the process of preparing for and having weight loss surgery.

In Tijuana Mexico.

My weight had gotten too high and was teetering closer and closer to the 300's. This used to be something that was embarrassing to admit, but my attitude has since changed. My  insurance here does not cover weight loss surgery , although considering I haven't had any issues with my diabetes since surgery, you would think that they'd consider long term the effects it will have on health (and reduced health care costs). I also had a surgery that is not as widely known as the lap band or gastric bypass. I had the gastric sleeve.

Mexico was half the price it is here (I am coming completely out of pocket) and I found a great doctor with over 900 procedures like mine done (and I researched the heck out of him to ensure he didn't have tons of patients with complications...he didn't). Nonetheless, my family was going out of their minds at the thought of me going into another country for weight loss surgery. But I did it anyways. Family members were calling the days before begging me to cancel. I didn't. I knew I needed to do this.

That was about 2.5 months and 45 lbs ago. I'm still losing and my health has since greatly improved. No complications either. I did what had to be done.  Doing the surgery also seemed to pull me out of a slump I was hitting. Things had felt impossible. The weight I needed to lose was a huge mountain. My first draft was another. How the hell would I over come these? Am I really meant to be an author?

After surgery something snapped and after going through something like that (going into another country for surgery is a bit scary...hello Touristas anybody?) I feel like despite my fears of failure, despite the risks, sometimes it is worth it. In this case I had done my research on my doctor and the risk was worth it. I am getting to be a healthier more active person every day.

Finishing my draft, and going headlong into revisions is scary, not everyone may like my book...in fact I am sure of that because you cannot please everyone. But I am doing it because these are my dreams.

Follow your instinct, stick to what you feel is right for you.

Even if it goes against what you have been accustomed to or what you think you know.  Sometimes we get trapped into thinking life has to go this way. Writing isn't a real career, etc etc etc....

This post I suppose isn't just about following what you want to do, and writing, but following your heart and embracing life. I think sometimes we let previous beliefs or things we've been told hold us back, then later we regret not even trying.

Sometimes you just got to go against the current and blaze your own trail.

What's in a Name?

If you have been following my blog previously, you are probably wondering  why things have suddenly changed. The look of the site as well as my name.

Long story short. I have decided not to use a pen name.  Obviously Rayvenne Black was never my real name, which I have said on a few occasions.

As I am getting closer to publishing my debut novel the subject had been weighing on my mind.

There were a few reasons I finally decided to use my own name.

Originally I felt that Jennifer Howell  is a bit too common and not so memorable. Also if you google Jennifer Howell several others come up, including a producer (I think) for South Park.

Well having a long discussion with one of my best friends we were talking about said pen name. My friend Andrea brought up a good point. It just doesn't match my genre. Maybe if my stories were more on the paranormal...but they aren't.

Another thought was to go by my maiden name, as it ISN'T common.

But part of me would feel bad using it. I am proud of my married name.

So then we came up with J.A. Howell.

I like it because there are plenty of others that have their initials then their last name.

Also, you don't immediately know if I am a man or a woman. I like that it makes it a bit ambiguous. Makes it a little harder to be biased based on that fact only.

Also, even if I decide to write in other genres, it still works.

Lastly, I decided that I want to see MY name on the book. And I know my family and friends will also enjoy seeing my name on there. But it is something I have decided is important to me

Normally, I wouldn't recommend changing things up like this...however for me I felt it was right. Writing books is something I have always wanted to do and I see myself doing it for a very long time.  Right now, my following and my online presence isn't really built up, so I think the damage there should only be minimal. I have a lot of work ahead of with regards to building my presence so if I was going to change, now was the time to do it.

Anyways, I thought I should make an official announcement. Hello world... I am J.A. Howell.